[RANDOM] Rant + BTS
I'm back... well, maybe for now.
It has been a really stressful 6 months for me. I originally made this blog for the purpose of writing, but I think I'm really not up to it anymore... coz life has been so stressful lately (both personal and fandom-related).
Okay, where to start?
First, my issue with myself. I'm still suffering in school as an undergrad and the only difference this time is that I'm no longer under a course. yep. I decided to become a Non-Major.
The thing is, when you're under so much pressure and still shove yourself to prove something even tho the school itself is hostile against you... it's very stupid to think that you shouldn't give up. I didn't give up. And I was stupid to think that I should still continue. Anyways, with a lot of energy, sweat, and tears spent, here I am at last. A bum.
Depressed. Suicidal. That was me for the past 2 years. Until it all fell apart.
But you know, when life is starting to go shit, it's better to find other ways to escape it. I talked it over with my parents. I did some closure time. I tried to fixed myself. Now I'm waiting to be better. Get some help maybe.
The only thing that keeps me going is my 'obsession' with BTS. I have yet to see them perform irl anyways. /hopeful
Second, my fucking computer. It got some virus or some shit and it has been a pain. I think it got corrupted or something.... now anyone who tries to scan through this shit, you prolly know by now I only fangirl and post crap on twitter. lol. Goodluck seeing kpop-related things from a bum like me.
I use an on-screen keyboard right now and it's a pain in the ass to type everything coz some of the keys don't work. ugh.
Speaking of twitter....
Third, toxic fan culture. I had a twitter acc before. I made it around 2015 right after discovering BTS. But it's not just the antis fault why I shunned it for a few weeks. The fans, too.
Now I don't want to sound like I'm entitled or anything. I just wished it was just like before. Shit was simple. The fans were less messy. More people enjoyed it just for the heck of it. Kpop is niche. It's just that new fans are noisier and there's more drama. I used to be like: "Hey, ARMYs are so chill."
It was.
Until recently. It's more drama drama drama.
The fans themselves spew shit against the group they stan... I mean, I know there are akgaes... but the level of ignorance had me deactivating twitter. I came across the stupid fans who feed trolls. Yes, I'm talking about Jimin's recent death threats. The worst part of this was that this issue stemmed during Bangtan's Wings Tour in the US, and before that was the stupid plagiarism issue that some VIPs did which turned out to be just drama to hate on the group (Read Gaon's feedback here). And before some random lurker point out to me that I hate VIPs/ BigBang - I don't. I've been their fan since '12 when my friend attempted to convert me into a Kpop fan. It was GD's One of a Kind MV that made me look at Kpop twice and appreciate it as a music genre. I'm just more invested in BTS nowadays.
In all these issues that BTS faced since last year (ie. sajaegi issue), I'm amazed they were strong to handle everything. I mean, shit. They all shouldered a lot of hate since predebut when they were less well-known... I couldn't imagine how they felt before. Jungkook was just, what? 15 at that time? :/ But they know well enough that with popularity comes hate.
So I really don't get why you'd hate on a member. Sure they ain't perfect. They did some stupid things in the past, learned from it, and became better people. They love each other like blood-related brothers. I hope these fans see that. Idc if you have a bias, but know how to respect when everyone else is doing the mistake of shitting on BTS. It's like you're doubting them. I know there's a border when it comes to fandom/idol interactions but for the love of God, you body shame a member and call them ugly?
Shit, that doesn't make you an awful fan. That makes you an awful person.
And for the record, there are fans like these in other fandoms, too. The rude fans. Idk if they're even 'fans' for doing that anyways... it's fucked up.
It became so stressful, so I deactivated twitter and just lurked on reddit for a few weeks. I still streamed a lot and followed BTS' activities (Festa, concert updates, Bon Voyage S2) while thinking about my future.
A few days ago, when I did come up with my decisions, I used a spare acc I had originally for the MAMA votings last year. Shit is still messy but I'm glad I followed some mutuals back who I don't have certain issues with (well yeah, there's the occasional stupid drama but I just glossed over it. Not worth to keep my blood boil when BTS are earning $$, wearing clothes the price of my tuition for a semester, and haters getting obvious in their jealousy and ignorance). I'm just glad that they're finally here. Fulfilling their dreams, and inspiring others. I just read a story of one of the reddit users in the community. BTS' music helped her in her lowest and she's fulfilled her dream of being a professional writer after many ups and downs.
There's just a lot of people who still throw homophobic and racist comments not just at BTS but at Kpop in general. But you know, as in Cypher pt4: "I like malicious comments more than no comments."
Just proves that they're breaking those walls and it only takes some time before people realize how little they know of other cultures and how stupid their words are.
In BTS' case, it really takes effort to understand why people like them and why fans are loyal to them. Following their activities for 2 years now, I'm just impressed at how down-to-earth they are and how they lift up each other when the going gets tough. This inspires them in turn to make music. I should share this one post I read a year ago. And I'm saying this - They didn't change. And people also said that Bangtan are real even off-cam. They're really humble, and their music is so refreshing and raw.
Tbh if I didn't come across the lyrics of NeverMind, I wouldn't be here today. I was so close... so close to killing myself back then. But you know, you wouldn't expect the unexpected at all. And that's when the lyrics hit me hard like a punch in the gut:
I couldn't speak for the majority and I know most of the fans discovered them in different circumstances. But I always look back to those days when I failed and even if those experiences leave a bitter taste in my mouth... I'm still grateful that I held on and believed that things could be better.
So to whoever reads this, take a chill pill and think it over why people go 'crazy' over them, there are many stories out there to discover. I'm well past my teens and I still stan these dorks for the very reason that I love them. Even if there were times I was gonna drop them I always come back and be comforted by their music. I can say I am in my "μ²μΆ". There are many more challenges that I will experience. Like Namjoon once shared, everything that happens in our lives are our branches. So at the end of every day, when we look back to what we've accomplished, we have become beautiful trees. So live life to the fullest. ππ³
They're like friends I didn't have... maybe that's the closest thing I could describe the feelings I have towards them.
.
.
.
cheesy af. ππ
Anyways, whatever to the haters. It's Kpop. It ain't deep. But just know that idols are humans with feelings, too. Sure, you can hate the fans (tbh tho ARMYs are fucking extra and they're everywhere - I found a lot in my school), but if that is the reason why you hate BTS, then you're ignorant at best (try to explain tho and I'd understand. peace). If you're an akgae I wonder why you'd even bother calling yourself an ARMY.
This has been a long ass post and not like anyone gonna read it, but I'll stay active if I can and post more updates (seesh... I even put a list of stuff I'm watching/reading yet haven't written anything bout them yet).
**pardon the inconsistencies. I was drunk when I wrote this.
Arrivederci a tutti~
-------
It has been a really stressful 6 months for me. I originally made this blog for the purpose of writing, but I think I'm really not up to it anymore... coz life has been so stressful lately (both personal and fandom-related).
Okay, where to start?
First, my issue with myself. I'm still suffering in school as an undergrad and the only difference this time is that I'm no longer under a course. yep. I decided to become a Non-Major.
The thing is, when you're under so much pressure and still shove yourself to prove something even tho the school itself is hostile against you... it's very stupid to think that you shouldn't give up. I didn't give up. And I was stupid to think that I should still continue. Anyways, with a lot of energy, sweat, and tears spent, here I am at last. A bum.
Depressed. Suicidal. That was me for the past 2 years. Until it all fell apart.
But you know, when life is starting to go shit, it's better to find other ways to escape it. I talked it over with my parents. I did some closure time. I tried to fixed myself. Now I'm waiting to be better. Get some help maybe.
The only thing that keeps me going is my 'obsession' with BTS. I have yet to see them perform irl anyways. /hopeful
Second, my fucking computer. It got some virus or some shit and it has been a pain. I think it got corrupted or something.... now anyone who tries to scan through this shit, you prolly know by now I only fangirl and post crap on twitter. lol. Goodluck seeing kpop-related things from a bum like me.
I use an on-screen keyboard right now and it's a pain in the ass to type everything coz some of the keys don't work. ugh.
Speaking of twitter....
Third, toxic fan culture. I had a twitter acc before. I made it around 2015 right after discovering BTS. But it's not just the antis fault why I shunned it for a few weeks. The fans, too.
Now I don't want to sound like I'm entitled or anything. I just wished it was just like before. Shit was simple. The fans were less messy. More people enjoyed it just for the heck of it. Kpop is niche. It's just that new fans are noisier and there's more drama. I used to be like: "Hey, ARMYs are so chill."
It was.
Until recently. It's more drama drama drama.
The fans themselves spew shit against the group they stan... I mean, I know there are akgaes... but the level of ignorance had me deactivating twitter. I came across the stupid fans who feed trolls. Yes, I'm talking about Jimin's recent death threats. The worst part of this was that this issue stemmed during Bangtan's Wings Tour in the US, and before that was the stupid plagiarism issue that some VIPs did which turned out to be just drama to hate on the group (Read Gaon's feedback here). And before some random lurker point out to me that I hate VIPs/ BigBang - I don't. I've been their fan since '12 when my friend attempted to convert me into a Kpop fan. It was GD's One of a Kind MV that made me look at Kpop twice and appreciate it as a music genre. I'm just more invested in BTS nowadays.
In all these issues that BTS faced since last year (ie. sajaegi issue), I'm amazed they were strong to handle everything. I mean, shit. They all shouldered a lot of hate since predebut when they were less well-known... I couldn't imagine how they felt before. Jungkook was just, what? 15 at that time? :/ But they know well enough that with popularity comes hate.
So I really don't get why you'd hate on a member. Sure they ain't perfect. They did some stupid things in the past, learned from it, and became better people. They love each other like blood-related brothers. I hope these fans see that. Idc if you have a bias, but know how to respect when everyone else is doing the mistake of shitting on BTS. It's like you're doubting them. I know there's a border when it comes to fandom/idol interactions but for the love of God, you body shame a member and call them ugly?
Shit, that doesn't make you an awful fan. That makes you an awful person.
And for the record, there are fans like these in other fandoms, too. The rude fans. Idk if they're even 'fans' for doing that anyways... it's fucked up.
It became so stressful, so I deactivated twitter and just lurked on reddit for a few weeks. I still streamed a lot and followed BTS' activities (Festa, concert updates, Bon Voyage S2) while thinking about my future.
A few days ago, when I did come up with my decisions, I used a spare acc I had originally for the MAMA votings last year. Shit is still messy but I'm glad I followed some mutuals back who I don't have certain issues with (well yeah, there's the occasional stupid drama but I just glossed over it. Not worth to keep my blood boil when BTS are earning $$, wearing clothes the price of my tuition for a semester, and haters getting obvious in their jealousy and ignorance). I'm just glad that they're finally here. Fulfilling their dreams, and inspiring others. I just read a story of one of the reddit users in the community. BTS' music helped her in her lowest and she's fulfilled her dream of being a professional writer after many ups and downs.
There's just a lot of people who still throw homophobic and racist comments not just at BTS but at Kpop in general. But you know, as in Cypher pt4: "I like malicious comments more than no comments."
Just proves that they're breaking those walls and it only takes some time before people realize how little they know of other cultures and how stupid their words are.
In BTS' case, it really takes effort to understand why people like them and why fans are loyal to them. Following their activities for 2 years now, I'm just impressed at how down-to-earth they are and how they lift up each other when the going gets tough. This inspires them in turn to make music. I should share this one post I read a year ago. And I'm saying this - They didn't change. And people also said that Bangtan are real even off-cam. They're really humble, and their music is so refreshing and raw.
Tbh if I didn't come across the lyrics of NeverMind, I wouldn't be here today. I was so close... so close to killing myself back then. But you know, you wouldn't expect the unexpected at all. And that's when the lyrics hit me hard like a punch in the gut:
"I want to ask the several people who prayed for me to screw up"
"I DON’T GIVE A SHIT
I DON’T GIVE A FUCK"
"I can have a taste of failure and frustration and bow my head
We are still young and immature, don’t even worry about it"
"If you feel like you’re going to crash then accelerate more, you idiot"
"There are lots of things in the world that you can’t help"
"We’re too young and immature to give up, you idiot"
NEVER MIND
Full lyric video:
I couldn't speak for the majority and I know most of the fans discovered them in different circumstances. But I always look back to those days when I failed and even if those experiences leave a bitter taste in my mouth... I'm still grateful that I held on and believed that things could be better.
So to whoever reads this, take a chill pill and think it over why people go 'crazy' over them, there are many stories out there to discover. I'm well past my teens and I still stan these dorks for the very reason that I love them. Even if there were times I was gonna drop them I always come back and be comforted by their music. I can say I am in my "μ²μΆ". There are many more challenges that I will experience. Like Namjoon once shared, everything that happens in our lives are our branches. So at the end of every day, when we look back to what we've accomplished, we have become beautiful trees. So live life to the fullest. ππ³
They're like friends I didn't have... maybe that's the closest thing I could describe the feelings I have towards them.
.
.
.
cheesy af. ππ
Anyways, whatever to the haters. It's Kpop. It ain't deep. But just know that idols are humans with feelings, too. Sure, you can hate the fans (tbh tho ARMYs are fucking extra and they're everywhere - I found a lot in my school), but if that is the reason why you hate BTS, then you're ignorant at best (try to explain tho and I'd understand. peace). If you're an akgae I wonder why you'd even bother calling yourself an ARMY.
This has been a long ass post and not like anyone gonna read it, but I'll stay active if I can and post more updates (seesh... I even put a list of stuff I'm watching/reading yet haven't written anything bout them yet).
**pardon the inconsistencies. I was drunk when I wrote this.
Arrivederci a tutti~
-------
Dream may your trials end in full bloom Dream though your beginnings might be humble, may the end be prosperous.
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